The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week,
sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon
be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors,
animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the
cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said
Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was
cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range
chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they
wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet
liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station
wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left
to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,"
an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a
single bottle of imported drinking water
They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education
camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing
the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus
trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-
dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration
authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-
citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they
were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The
Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada,
Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged
that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A
source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul
McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some
endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to
reach out," he said.